Rock a bye Baby
by seriously em
Summary: Addison is broken. Derek is leaving town. One night changes nothing for him but everything for her. Addison get’s pregnant and with the father gone she learns just who her friends are. Addex with slight Addek
1. Prologue

**A/N;** I haven't done any longer stories in quite a while but as I watched ER today (the old good ones that always makes me cry for some reason) …anyway… I got this idea and just had to try it out. It is definitely an Addex story even if it doesn't start out that way. It is AU but only from the end of season 3, it picks up after the non-wedding basically.

Also I know I should update my '10 things…' story and I will, I might be a bit slower in updating though because I kind of had a run-in with a door…and the door won lol. Nothing major but my typing is much slower and more painful. Just to give you all a small heads up.

**Summary;** Addison is broken. Derek is leaving town. One night changes nothing for him but everything for her. Addison get's pregnant and with the father gone she learns just who her friends are. [Addex with slight Addek

**Disclaimer;** I don't own Greys anatomy or any of the characters. The song in this chapter is called 'Don't let me down' by Idina Menzel and I do not own that either.

**Rock - a – bye Baby**

**Prologue**

_**Where do you go? **__**  
When you're alone and in your head.  
Why do they know you?  
Is your story painted in red?**_

The room was darkly lit, probably to fit the mood of the people. No one ever came to Joe's happy…if they say they do they are most definitely lying.

"I need drink" I spoke up and lifted my eyes to the man behind the bar. Joe to be precise. He was at the moment serving some young interns who all looked like life had been sucked out of them, then again don't all intern have that look? "Joe…" I tried again and he finally turned his attention back to my side of the bar. "My glass is empty" I looked into it for a second as I held it up, I watched how the scene became blurry.

"Addison" he snapped the glass out of my hand and the bar once more came into focus. "Maybe you've had enough for tonight?"

"No way" I shook my head but quickly stopped as it started to make me dizzy. I looked closer at Joe and put on what I hoped was my sweetest look. "I need alcohol Joe. I need something to stop this ache inside of me and right now the only thing that works is alcohol so please…"

He seemed to doubt for a second or two before he finally poured me a new drink. "So this ache, anything you want to get off your chest?"

"Men suck" I said and took a deep mouthful of the drink, smiling as it burned its way down my throat. "Seattle sucks. LA sucks. Everything just sucks" I looked up at him and to my surprise I could see a smile on his face. "What's so damn funny that you can stand here smiling at my miserable self?"

"It's just that when they told me you were planning on running off to LA I always figured you would come back some day. I just never figured you would come back before you even left" he answered.

"LA sucks" I repeated.

"So I heard" Joe nodded. "So is there any place that doesn't suck then?"

"This place" I offered but he just laughed.

"So you're staying in Seattle then?"

"Only until I find some better plan" I sighed. "Or maybe if I am lucky I will drink enough tonight and fall off the ferry boat" I added with a laugh.

"So what happened to LA?" Joe asked, completely ignoring my imaginary ferry boat accident.

"It wasn't me" I said simply. "They wanted me to deliver one baby a day and then…nothing…"

"So they said no?" Joe asked, using that 'I know everything' tone that always managed to piss me off.

"How can they not want me?" I cried and for once I didn't care that my voice grew louder for each word. "I am the best there is. How could they not want me? They de-promised me!"

"They de-promised?" Joe laughed. "How rude of them."

"You know what…" I placed the glass down hard against the bar in front of me. "…screw LA…screw people…screw doctors…"

"Right" Joe nodded. "Maybe it's time you go home then?" he suggested.

"What?" I looked up at him, confusion probably written all over my face. "But I am not drunk enough yet, I bet I can even still walk" I got down from the high chair, I took a few steps away towards the door but the room was spinning way too much. I reached out for the bar but it wasn't there anymore and I felt my body start to fall. Luckily a pair of arms came out of nowhere and wrapped themselves around my body to catch my fall.

"I thought you didn't get drunk."

I looked up and my face fell as I saw just who had caught me. "Derek" I heard how my voice was filled with disappointment. Not that I was expecting anyone else. No, in fact I was more expecting the floor. "Will you please let me go?" I asked as I realized his arms were still around me even though my feet were now securely back on the ground.

"Right" he stepped back and let go of me but he still remained close. "So why did you decide to drown your sorrows today?" he asked.

"That…" I stopped to grab the bar beside me as the room started to dance again. "…is nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about" he gave me that look, you know that look that he thinks gets everyone to fall for him. The famous Mc Dreamy look. "Oh please, spare that look for someone who actually gives a damn."

"Addie" he looked as if he was about to say something but then he just sighed. "Let's get you a cab, okay?" he took my hand and started to pull me towards the door.

"Wait" I turned around and forced him to stop too.

"What?"

"My bag" I pointed back towards the spot where I had been sitting.

"You can get it tomorrow" Derek said and tried to push me out the door.

"No" I said sternly. "That is Gucci; we do not leave Gucci bags alone in bars."

"God…" he sighed but he did in fact walk over and grab it and even took my coat as well. "There, are you happy now?"

"Very" I nodded and allowed him to lead me outside.

The cold air hit me instantly and it helped to clear my head a bit though the ground was still moving as if I had been walking on water.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked as he carefully guided me down the parking lot.

"I'm walking on water" I said before I started to laugh. "Maybe that was how Jesus did it? Maybe he too walked on moving pavement and not real water?"

"Wow you're drunk" Derek laughed as well as he stopped in front of his car. He opened the door for me and motioned for me to get in.

"That's no taxi" I stated and looked from the car to him. "You want me to get in your car?"

"I'll just take you to the hotel to make sure you get there alright."

"Can I trust you?" I eyed him closely.

"Addie get in the damn car already" he cried. "You know me, it's not like I' a serial killer or something."

"Fine" I slowly climbed into the front seat of his car and as soon as I sat down he placed my bag and coat in my lap and slammed the door closed.

He got into the driver seat and soon he was speeding down onto the street towards the hotel. I reached down towards the radio but my hand had barely touched the buttons before he spoke.

"Do not change the channel."

"But this stuff makes my head hurt" I complained but I knew what would happen if I changed it so I leaned back in my chair again.

I turned down the sunshade at my seat and used the mirror to fix my hair. Not that anything could really fix it by now though. I was actually quite surprised that no birds had claimed it as their home yet. Instead I dried off the small mascara marks from under my eyes. "God I'm a mess."

"Yes you are" Derek answered with a cheeky grin.

"Idiot" I swapped him on the arm before I went back to the mirror. "So what's with the boxes?" I asked as I just then spotted the moving boxes that were taking up the whole backseat.

"I'm leaving Seattle" he answered simply. "There just isn't much for me here and I got an offer to do some work in Europe for a few months."

"So you're moving to Europe?" I asked confused. "What about your blonde intern girlfriend and your trailer and all that?"

"Meredith is moving on and so am I" the car came to a stop outside the hotel. "I might be back some day though, who knows?"

"You're one messed up man you know that?" I couldn't help but laugh as I tried to get the door open. The door however seemed to have been constructed by someone with a great hate for people and I could not get it open.

Derek walked around the car and easily opened the door for me. "You're one to talk." He held out his hand and pulled me out of the car.

"So when are you leaving?" I watched him close the door behind me.

"Now was the plan" he replied. "Well the real plan was to get drunk tonight but I guess you drank enough for both of us."

"So this is it then?" I watched him get back to his side of the car again. "You're just gonna leave?"

"I just…I need some time for myself, you know?" he leaned against the top of the car and looked at me. He had a very visible vulnerability in his eyes.

That was when it hit me. He had his heart broken too, maybe not in the same way as mine but he was broken.

"How about a drink?" I offered.

"You really do not need more alcohol" he laughed.

"Oh come on I have a mini-bar and you obviously feel bad, you can come up and tell me about why you're leaving and what you plan on doing in Europe" I held out one hand towards him and after a few seconds he seemed to agree as he stepped away from his car.

"I'm still leaving tomorrow though" he said as he took my hand and we slowly started to walk into the hotel.

"I know…" I said and I didn't doubt him even for a second. The only thing I doubted was my sanity as I had just invited him to my room.

_**What do you see? **__**  
What do you dream when you're awake?  
What have they seen of you?  
Are you afraid of what's been said?  
And if time stood still if you won't be a witness no one ever will**_

--

**A/N 2;** Right there we go, what did you all think? Worth continuing?


	2. My turn to be brave

**A/N;** Okay I know I haven't updated in a while but it's been less then a week so I think it's not too bad. Anyway thank you all for the lovely reviews. I really wish I could give you all a better chapter but my muse seems to be out of town. Anyway even though it doesn't seem like it right now it will be an Addex story…I just need to get through some stuff first. Next chapter will be plenty Addex though – I promise. 

Oh and the lyrics in this chapter is from the song 'Brave' by 'Idina Menzel' I don't own them. 

**2.**** My turn to be brave**

_**I don't know just where **__**I'm going  
and tomorrow it's a little overwhelming**_

_A few __weeks later_

"Crap!"

"Come on."

"Give me another one."

"You're delusional if you think you'll get another result on the seventh one" Callie leaned against the doorframe of my bathroom. Well technically it's the hotel's bathroom but who's really counting. 

"Give it to me" I held my hand out and with a deep sigh she placed the last pregnancy test in my hand. 

"You're insane" she rolled her eyes.

"I'm not pregnant" I tried to keep my voice steady but I could hear how weak it came out. Obviously so could Callie. 

"We have six tests here that say the opposite" Callie looked at the row of pregnancy tests on the sink. "Plus you're a doctor, you should know" she moved into the room and sunk down on the floor next to me. 

"Aren't you supposed to be on my side here?" I asked.

"I am on your side" she smiled. "That doesn't mean you're any less pregnant though."

"You're mean."

"Yes I am" she nodded and I couldn't help but laugh. "See, I am still on your side" she slowly rose from the floor again. "Now you take that test and once that one tells you you're pregnant we will go eat, I'm starving" she walked out of the bathroom. 

"How can you even think about food at a time like this?" I muttered as I too got up from the floor. 

"Just pee on the damn stick so we can get out of here!"

"You really are mean" I called back before I slammed the bathroom door shut for some privacy. 

I looked at all the other tests and I couldn't help but feel a tug at my heart. I mean sure I always dreamt of being a mother. I even dreamt of having Derek's baby – just not now. Not in this way. Of course I was sure it was Derek's, nothing else fit. 

A few years ago I would have been ecstatic…now as I faced this all I felt was emptiness. 

With the test in my hand I entered the main room where Callie had taken my bed in her power and the TV was set on some kind of music video. She turned it off as I sat down on the side of the bed. 

"What does it say?" she asked. 

"It's still 2 minutes left" I let out a deep sigh and crawled up against the pillows at the top of the bed. Callie soon followed and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. 

"So how bad would it be if you're pregnant?" I could hear that she was trying to sugarcoat something and I guess that was a good thing. I was not really in the mood for her straight forwardness today. 

"Well I'm old and I hate the father, not to mention that he's like thousands of miles away…"

"You're not old" she laughed but I simply rolled my eyes at her. "You're not. And when it comes to Derek…well screw him."

"It's his baby too you know" I said as I let my head fall onto her shoulder. "I guess I just never pictured me doing all of this alone."

"You're not alone in this" her hand went up to my head and her fingers laced themselves into my hair. "You have a lot of friends who will be there for you…" she heard me snort against her shoulder. "You do, you have me…and…well lots of people."

"Has it been 2 minutes yet?" I asked, I was too tried to even get in the argument Callie could have just started. 

"I don't know, has it?" she answered my question with a new one. 

"I guess" I didn't move but my eyes landed on the test in my hand. The backside was towards me so I couldn't see what it said. I slowly turned it around and for the seventh time that evening my heart sunk into my stomach. 

"Are you accepting now or do we need to get another bag of tests?" I heard the sarcasm in her voice and slowly just shook my head. No matter how I tried to keep them away tears begun to fall down my face. 

Callie didn't speak; she simply held me tighter and allowed me to cry – knowing it was all I could do at that point. 

--

"Do you feel any better now?" Callie asked an hour later as we walked down the street. We had just had a quick dinner at the small diner around the corner from the hotel. The one that Callie insisted had the best paella in the city. 

"A little" I nodded and fished up one of the mini candy bars we had picked up on our way. All full of chocolate and too many calories to count – which of course made them perfect in every way that mattered. 

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" she held the door to the hotel open for me to get in. "I mean it wouldn't be a problem, really."

"No I'll be fine" we stopped by the elevators. 

"Are you sure?" her dark brown eyes focused on me as if she was trying to look into my soul for the true answer. 

"Yes. I just need some time to think this all through."

"Of course" Callie nodded.

The doors to the elevator opened and we both stepped inside. We stood there side by side for several seconds before she broke the silence. 

"If I'm going to my room then you're not taking all the chocolate…"

--

I had never truly thought about how empty a hotel room really is. As I sat down on my bed once more I could feel the emptiness in the air and I almost regretted not telling Callie to come with me. Just almost. 

"I can't stay here" I mumbled to myself. 

I got up, grabbed my purse and coat and walked out of the room. I didn't have a goal in mind, I simply took the elevator down and then walked out onto the street. Around me people were walking, they were talking on their cell phones or with each other. It almost felt as if everyone had some place to be or someone to talk to. 

Everyone except for me. 

I tried my coat closer around my body as I begun walking down the busy street. As my arms were folded over my stomach it hit me over again. There really was a tiny, tiny person in there. Okay yes I know it's not considered a person yet…maybe my thoughts were running a bit fast. Still if I kept it I would end up with a baby. A tiny helpless perfect little baby. 

I stopped at an empty bench where I sat down. I don't know just how long I sat there, just watching people walk past me. The wind grew colder and that was what finally brought me out of my haze. Around me people had started to disappear and the sun had followed them. Still I couldn't bring myself to go back quite yet. I grabbed my purse and fished up my cell phone. As I turned it on I noticed several missed calls from Callie which I skillfully ignored. Instead I started dialing a number I had known by heart for a long time. As soon as all numbers were pressed I erased them again.

I did this ritual a total of five times before I finally brought myself to call. For every signal that went by I alternated between wanting to hang up and wanting to yell at him. It turned out the choice was already made for me as his voice mail picked up…

"_You have reached Derek Shepherd, leave a message after the tone and I will get back to you…beep…"_

I swallowed hard and forced the words out of my mouth. 

"Hi Derek, it's me, Addison. I need to talk to you but I would rather not have this conversation with your voicemail. Not that I don't like your voice mail, he sounds nice, I just think we need to do this face to…" the signal sounded in my ear and my message was cut short. I flipped my phone closed in my hand. "Oh well he'll get it I guess."

I got up and started to walk back towards the hotel and it wasn't until I reached the doors that I realized just what I had said. "Your voice mail sounds nice? Oh god being pregnant has made me insane…"

_**This is the moment I stand here all alone  
**__**with everything I have inside everything I own  
I might be afraid but it's my turn to be brave**_


	3. I can’t recall just why

**A/N;** I know I haven't been updating this story very well so far but this time I do have a good excuse. I am in the middle of doing Script Frenzy; it means I am trying to write a script of 100 pages in 30 days. It will go through all of April but I am trying to find time for fanfics as well. At the moment I am doing pretty well with that though, 25 pages out of 100 done, so I figured what would be more fun then to torture Addison some more haha.

And before I forget it, the lyrics are from a song called 'The song remembers when' by 'Trisha Yearwood' I have the Kristin Chenoweth version on my IPod and listened to it today and felt that it fit perfectly for this chapter.

**3. I can't recall just why**

_**I guess something must have happened  
**__**and we must have said "goodbye"  
And my heart must have been broken  
Thought I can't recall just why**_

When I was three years old I was convinced I was indestructible. I would run around our neighborhood with a pillowcase tied around my neck as a cape. Just like superwoman I would run down the street and just wait for the wind to take me on and show all non-believers that I truly had super powers.

That was kind of how I felt when I two days after I found out I was pregnant walked down the corridor of Seattle Grace Hospital. I was still in shock and part of me still felt like getting on a plane and go to wherever Derek was hiding from me and rip that perfect hair off his head and feed his body to whatever big scary animals they had in Europe. Yet I felt strangely indestructible.

My morning was oddly calm and I soon found not only a free spot in my schedule but also a free exam room. I set out the needles and slipped out of my white coat. I had taken blood tests a million times in my career. It was one of the first things I got to do as an intern yet I had never tried to take one on myself before. Let me just tell you – it's not as easy as it may sound.

I tried to tie the rubber band around my arm but the more I tried the more I seemed to fail.

"Stupid band…" I tried once more and yanked it hard, this time it didn't just fall down it actually flew across the room.

"All those diplomas on your wall and no where does it say you're a master at rubber band tossing" I turned around and even though the voice had given him away my heart sunk as I saw him standing there.

"What do you want Alex?" I asked tiredly.

"I'm apparently on your service today and well I didn't know you were busy" he moved across the room and picked up the rubber band. He sat down on the chair in front of me and took my arm.

"What are you doing?"

"Helping you" he tied the band skillfully around my upper arm and then reached to put on a pair of clean gloves.

"You don't have to" I tried but he just laughed.

"You would have been here all day if you insisted on doing it yourself" he took the needle in his hand and hovered above my skin. "So what are we taking for?"

"Just some blood tests" I avoided his eyes but he didn't move.

"I need to know."

"Just take two bottles and I'll take care of it" I snapped.

"Fine" he finally let the needle move and I felt it pierce my skin. I didn't look at it but from his movements I could sense what he was doing. "I never pictured you for one to be scared of needles" he teased.

"I'm not scared" I said and looked at his face. I could see how he was concentrating on what he was doing.

"Then look at the needle" he placed a bottle filled with red blood on the tray and grabbed the empty one.

I slowly moved y head to look at my arm but I merely managed to glance at it before I had to look away. Alex simply laughed at me and I couldn't help but join him. I could definitely see the humor in it.

"You use much bigger needles on your patients, plus you have done many blood tests like these. Why is today so hard?" he placed the second bottle next to the first and untied the rubber band. With easy hands he placed a small boll of cotton against the wound. "Bend your elbow and the bleeding should stop soon."

"It's okay as long as the needled is not in me" I replied as I followed his instructions. I had told those words so any times that I knew what to do but it felt good to hear them from him. It made me feel take care off.

"Okay that should do it" he smiled and handed me the bottles.

"Thank you" I gave him a smile.

"So will you let me know if you're pregnant or not?" he asked as he stood up. I felt my face drop but he just smiled and gave my shoulder a quick squeeze. "Don't worry, you're secret is safe with me."

"Thank you…" it was all I could saw as he heard him walk towards the door.

"Oh and when you decide to work again we have a case" he added before I heard the door open and close.

"Smooth" I laughed once more. "This pregnancy is making me into a clumsy mess" I got down from the table and with the bottles in my hand I walked out of the room and headed down to the lab.

xxxxxxxx

Fifteen minutes later I hurried through the door into the patient's room. I tried to keep up my professional look at the same time as I was desperately looking through all the papers in my arms. None of them seemed to be for this patient though. Alex was standing by the side of the bed grinning and the woman in the bed, who by the way was very pregnant, just looked at me.

"Dr. Montgomery, this is Susanna" he stepped in and helped me out. He even handed me the right file. I so believe I would have been able to do this unbelievably professional if he had not stolen it in the first place though.

"It's nice to meet you" Susanna smiled and I stepped up to shake her hand.

"You too" and skimmed the file quickly. "I see that we are doing a C-section on you this afternoon."

"You have nothing to worry about" Alex added. "Dr. Montgomery is the best there is. You could not be in better hands" he shot me a smile and even though I tried not to I felt one appear on my face as well. God why did he have that effect one me all the time? Couldn't he just be that old obnoxious self again?

"I'll let Dr. Karev here prep you for surgery and I will be back later to check up on you" I said and Susanna nodded.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome" I handed the file back to Alex and walked out of the room. I closed the door behind me and leaned against if for a few seconds trying to get my heart to slow down.

Why did I act like this? I was acting like a stupid love struck teenager all over again. Why did Alex Karev always make me feel so alive yet so close to the edge of falling into the unknown? Or maybe with him that was all the same in a way…

xxxxxxxx

The surgery went on as planned and nothing else came up, leaving me with no work as early as four. I contemplated to take a nap in one of the on call room but my curiosity took over and before I knew it I found myself down in the lab once more.

"I'm here to see if some tests are done" I casually leaned against the counter and held up the small note towards the man inside.

"Addison, hi" my head spun around quickly, hoping to every possible power that I heard wrong.

Of curse no such luck.

Next to me stood not only Meredith Grey but her tail Christina Yang.

"Hi ladies" I forced on a smile. "So…how are you?"

"Good" Meredith answered. "I think Derek leaving was the best that could happen. We just needed some space."

"Right" I felt my heart fall deep into my stomach. I wondered why it hadn't hit me before. I was pregnant with Derek's baby. Or well almost certainly pregnant anyway. And there I was, standing inches away from his ex girlfriend and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had once again gone between them. It didn't matter that they were broken up – I was still the one to make sure they would never fix it. After all why would Meredith want to go back to him when he was a father? Not that I even knew if she wanted to. I was definitely reading a lot into that hello.

"Here are your test results" the lab guy chose that moment to hand me the papers.

"Thank you" I tried to pull them away as quickly as I could but Christina was apparently a quick reader.

"You took a pregnancy test?"

"No" I laughed. "It's for a patient. You know I work with pregnant patients" to me it sounded like the worst lie ever told but the two women seemed to believe it. "I should go…" I turned and hurried off.

I didn't allow myself to read the test results until I was safely alone in the elevator on my way back up to my floor…

xxxxxxxx

The small room was dimly lit but I didn't mind. In fact I quite liked it. The darkness fit y mood quite perfectly. I had been sitting in the small lounge room for close to an hour and the cell phone was still lying on the table in front of me. I had turned it on thirty minutes ago and found that Derek had finally tried to call me back. Three times to be exact.

I had yet to call him back.

The door opened behind me and as I turned around I saw Alex entering. He too had changed out of his scrubs and was back in his jeans, T-shirt and leather jacket.

"Waiting for a call?" he joked as he saw the phone on the table. Then he looked at me closer and I saw a sort of understanding on his face. "So I'm guessing you're pregnant" he sat down on the empty chair next to mine.

"Yeah" I nodded.

"So the…" he looked at my phone. "…3 missed calls is from the father?"

"Yeah" I nodded again.

"And you're not ready to talk to Mr. 3 missed calls?" again I nodded. He stood up and held his hand out towards me. "How about I take you out for a milkshake?"

"A milkshake?" I couldn't help but laugh. "You wanna take me out for a milkshake?"

"Well you're down and I assume alcohol is out of the picture. When I was a kid and had not yet discovered alcohol a milkshake could cheer me up any day" he smiled.

"Why are you so nice to me?" I asked. "I'm more screwed up then ever and now you decide to be nice to me?"

"I'm your friend" he answered simply. "I'm just a friend trying to cheer you up after a tough day. So will you let me or do I have to go on my own?"

I looked from him to his hand and without hesitation I slipped the phone into my pocket and took his hand. "Yes I will" I smiled and as we walked out of the dimly lit lounge I completely ignored that I could feel my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. However in that moment I didn't mind that there would be one more missed call when I got home…

_**And that's just a lot of water underneath the bridge I burned  
and there's no use in backtracking around corners I have turned  
Still I guess some things we bury  
they're just bound to rise again**_


End file.
